


Baby's First Kiss

by lesbianettes



Series: Baby's First [1]
Category: Chicago Med
Genre: (but ethan doesn't know that yet), Dialogue, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Questioning character, Self-Discovery, This series is just ethan realizing he's bi and loves crockett, bi!Ethan, gay!Crockett, props props props to to sextonsharpwinhalstead on tumblr, this was inspired by their bi ethan post
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 19:30:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21124043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianettes/pseuds/lesbianettes
Summary: Ethan is pretty sure Crockett is gay.





	Baby's First Kiss

Crockett Marcel is gay.

This is a fact of life, the same way that Ethan’s sister has a baby with some old asshole who has a wife, and Will Halstead is an idiot, and Maggie is the only one in the hospital who knows what’s going on at any given time, and the sun is annoying through the ED windows in the early morning. It’s not up for debate, and everyone knows it. It’s one of those things on the list of indisputable items to return to for recitation when he’s overwhelmed. 

Crockett Marcel, the new trauma surgeon with a loud accent and a constant smug smile, is gay, and Ethan isn’t entirely sure  _ how _ he knows, but he knows. It’s just obvious. Which means that every time he thinks about it, he feels a little guilty because he must be stereotyping, but he can’t figure out why or how and this whole thing is frustrating as hell. 

Now he’s standing in the cafeteria, holding a cup of coffee, and trying to figure out how to put any of it into words. Is there a casual way to ask your coworker if he’s as gay as you think he is? If there is, Ethan doesn’t know it.

“Dr. Choi?” Crockett asks, tilting his head to the side. Right, because Ethan had said to hold on a sec, that he had a question for him. A question he has no idea how to ask, or even for certain if he should ask because that would be extremely unprofessional and personal and if someone asked  _ him _ that question he wouldn’t exactly be thrilled. Maybe that’s because he’s not gay. “Earth to Choi, are you in there?”

“I wanted to ask if you’re…”

He trails off and waves his hand vaguely. How clear and helpful of him. But asking is really weird and he’s definitely regretting that decision right now, but it’s a bit late to back out. This is happening right now.

“...If you’re gay.” 

And Crockett laughs, a full one that puffs his chest and rings off the tables, drawing everyone’s attention. Ethan would very much like to melt into the floor. He prepares an apology, wonders how bad things are about to get, thinks about how to defend himself to Goodwin if he gets reported for harassment or something, but then Crockett hits a hand against his back affectionately.

“I am extremely gay, Dr. Choi. Is that all?”

Without waiting for an answer, Crockett walks away to do whatever’s next on his agenda, and Ethan feels kind of stupid for asking. But he had to ask, because he would never stop wondering otherwise, and he can’t figure out why he even cares in the first place. By all accounts, it shouldn’t matter. And it doesn’t.

He goes back to work and nothing is different about Crockett or how Ethan interacts with him, but he can’t stop thinking about how Crockett had acted like it was so obvious, that it was funny Ethan asked at all. Every time he has a moment to spare, he finds himself watching Crockett. The way he smiles, how he’s physical with so many, the surety of his hands when he does anything. He’s a good doctor, good with patients, good with the nurses. And once or twice, when Ethan watches, Crockett catches him and sends him an indecipherable smile.

Crockett is gay, and Ethan does his job until night falls and he debates the merits of cooking for himself vs getting take-out on the way home. As he’s figuring out how much effort going to the grocery store would take and pulling on his warm coat, Crockett comes up beside him to get ready to leave himself.

“So,” he says. “Any particular reason you wanted to know if I was gay?”

“Curiosity.”

He hums and doesn’t say anything, for a minute. Crockett has steady hands, strong and confident, and also a little delicate as they pack his things up. Surgeon’s hands. That’s not a surprise, but it’s different to admire them up close. His nails are short and clean, his palms slightly paler than the back of his hands, his wrists showing the faint outline of veins.

“Can I buy you a drink tonight?”

That’s not what Ethan expected to hear. He splutters, a flush burning across his cheeks and ears. “I like women.”

“Okay.” Crockett shrugs on his own coat, stiff on the shoulders and long on the sides. It looks good on him. “Doesn’t mean you can’t also like men. It also doesn’t mean you can’t have a friendly drink with your coworker.”

It isn’t a date, clearly, and wasn’t intended to be, so why does Ethan feel so strange about it? A drink does sound good, though, to scrape away his thoughts and ignore what Crockett just said about also liking men. Ethan likes women, thank you very much. A drink sounds nice. He agrees and they plan to meet at Molly’s, a short drive and hopefully an easy night. As long as Ethan feeds his bird when he gets home, there’s nothing to worry about there either. He has no excuse, and he does want to do this.

Yet, he psyches himself up the entire drive, because some part of him just wants to go home and avoid this for no reason. He can handle casual drinks with a coworker. Confirmation that Crockett is gay shouldn’t make a difference. This whole thing is stupid, and Ethan needs to calm down, something he tells himself over and over as he walks into Molly’s to see Crockett already perched at the counter with a beer in front of himself and one just off to the side. For Ethan, presumably. It was sweet of him to buy a drink.

“Thanks,” he says as he hops onto the barstool and takes the first crisp sip. He doesn’t drink much anymore, but he doesn’t mind this if it means a bit of companionship. Crockett lifts his beer and so Ethan cheers him, and stares at the assortment of high end liquor stacked behind the bar. “So, the whole being gay thing.”

“What about it?”

“What’s it like?”

It’s a stupid question. Crockett smiles, though, and bumps his shoulder against Ethan’s. “Like anything else, I guess. Or are you looking for me to tell you what it’s like to be with a guy?”

“I don’t know.”

He isn’t sure why he’s asking, what answer he’s looking for, but he’s curious about this for some reason or another and he knows he likes women, so everything’s fine. Everything’s fine, and Crockett rests his chin on his hands with a far off expression.

“I guess it’s like being straight. I wouldn’t know. I just know that it makes me happy, being with men.”

“Do you ever go to… to pride, or anything like that.”

Crockett laughs into a sip of beer. “Yeah, every year I can. Work gets in the way sometimes.” 

He understands that. Working in the ED means long shifts, unpredictable hours, being left on call even when sleeping off sixteen straight hours on his feet. It’s not easy on him, and can’t be on anyone else, including someone like Crockett who does surgeries. Those are probably more stressful than doing x-rays on kids who fell off climbing structures.

“My turn to ask a question.”

Crockett swirls his beer around its bottle like he’s trying to decide what to ask, or how. Ethan nearly doesn’t want to hear what he has to say, but it’s only fair to return the favor when he's asked a bunch of heavy questions today, so he doesn’t argue.

“Why all the sudden questions about my sexuality?”

If only Ethan had an answer to that. He doesn’t know why he’s asking either, and it must show on his face because Crockett then shakes his head and gives Ethan this look. His lips turned up at the corners. His eyes shining. It’s like something out of a movie scene, and he’s captivating. Ethan can’t look away from him. He isn’t sure why.

But then Crockett reaches over and takes his hand, nods his head off to the side in an invitation for something. And against his better judgement, Ethan follows where he’s led, toward the hallway where the bathrooms are and then a little further. His back hits against the wall, and then Crockett’s pressed up against him firm and warm. He smells like a fine layer of cologne, mostly worn off by this point in the day, and his eyes look like happiness, but Ethan isn’t entirely sure what this is about to be and he feels trapped. He glances over Crockett’s shoulder at the full bar.

“Breathe,” Crockett says, and Ethan listens. “Do you trust me?”

“We met like two weeks ago.”

Crockett laughs and his hands are careful when they cup Ethan’s face. “Fair. Put your hands on me, wherever you want.”

Wherever he wants. This is strange. Ethan isn’t sure what the fuck is happening and he doesn’t know why he hasn’t just pushed Crockett away or told him to stop. All he knows is that his hands shake when he puts them on Crockett’s waist, beneath his jacket but over his shirt. His body is firm, solid. There completely. On instinct, Ethan digs his fingertips into the muscle and Crockett smiles. 

“I’m gonna kiss you, is that alright?”

Such a simple question. Easy to answer, yes or no, and at the same time he’s terrified of what might come out of his mouth. But his hands know, and pull Crockett just the slightest bit closer, and then Crockett kisses him. Just barely there, soft lips, and gentle with his light touch on Ethan’s face. Kissing him is like kissing anyone else, but this means something different when Ethan kisses him back. He does it, and it feels nice, and when Crockett pulls away, Ethan chases him for a split second.

“Well look at that,” Crockett says softly, leaning back in to press a kiss to Ethan’s temple. “Baby’s first kiss with a man."

“Never say that again,” Ethan answers, and reaches to curl a hand around the back of Crockett’s neck to pull him into another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr @princessbekker (formerly @beelivia!)


End file.
